Last night my sweet friend Rebecca Moody reminded me that I haven't blogged in a loooong time. Eerrkk...yes, it has been a long time. I could come up with a great excuse but I'm not going to. Someone once said that it's not that we don't have the time, it's that we don't MAKE the time. So friends, I didn't make the time. It's that simple. Sorry for being lame. LAME-O!
A few weeks ago we were up in Iowa visiting my parents, brother, sister-in-law, and my aunt Inge who was up visiting from Texas. Boy oh boy, it was soooo good to see them! My parents have a huge backyard full of trees and lots of fun grubby things for a 17 month old to get into. We had a blast & I know Isaac loved every single minute of it. Especially when he could play in little baby pool they got him.
One afternoon Mom and I were sitting out back watching Isaac run around and explore when I asked her, "What do you think about Isaac being an only child?" I think this kind of threw her for a loop. I went on to say how I have no clue how we could add another child to our already crazy lives. With us starting this new business, both of us working like crazy, trying to keep up with the house, and getting into a comfortable rhythm with working and raising Isaac, the thought of having another baby right now is kind of...to be perfectly honest...not really there quite yet.
She smiled (which made me think, "Ooo, she has a doozy coming up.") and said, "OK...what I'm going to say isn't meant to be hurtful because every first time mother does this and it's not just you."
Ooohhh boy...here it comes.
"Kids are work but you're making MORE work out of it than what you need to be."
I have to be honest when I say, yes, I was slightly offended for the first 30 seconds after that comment. But then it sunk in. She is totally right! I WAS making more work out of it!
She used an example from that very day. When Isaac was roaming around their backyard I followed him around the entire time. She said, "Let him roam! We are sitting less than 20-30 feet from him...he's fine! He needs some independence." And then she delivered the absolute truth..."You don't have to entertain him all the time!"
THAT was it! She was so completely right! I must say, Isaac is REALLY good about playing by himself. I'll plop him down with a stack of books, his blocks and an apple and he's good to go. I'll close the gate in the kitchen to keep him contained while I do dishes and he has a great time. For the longest time I felt like I needed to be a cruise director...keeping him happy, entertained and learning something during all waking hours. It doesn't need to be that way...at all.
Granted, Isaac's at that age where he is VERY active (running, running, running!) so I keep a close eye on him so he doesn't chop off one of his arms, but I'm giving him a bit more freedom, not chasing him around every second, helping him to learn when I say "NO!" I mean no, you aren't going to play in the dog's water bowl any more.
Kids are going to cry, hurt themselves from time to time, fall down and get back up...it's just a part of life. Can I protect him from every little thing? Nope. Should I try to? Of course, but it doesn't mean we are going to always catch it. I just pray over Isaac every morning that God will protect him and give me the grace to unclench a little bit more :)
Am I warming up to having another child? Of course. I go through phases where I have to slap myself on the back of the head and say, "Stop being selfish!" Because it totally is a selfish thing...we are very comfortable right now how things are going. But it's not about me or my plan or my controlling the situation. It's about God's timing and plan.
So I'm letting go bit by bit and letting Isaac be Isaac, which is a wonderful and freeing thing but also a joy to witness. He has a wonderful time playing, I can get a ton of stuff done AND still have time to play with him and enjoy him fully. Ahhh....
And when he comes running up to me with one of his books, you better believe I drop everything and we read it together. That's a non-negotiable one :)